Salt in Your Wounds
by sensations
Summary: Jasper's eyes bore into mine. Hatred shone brightly but something underneath that was what caught my attention. Need, want, lust.
1. Prologue

Title: Salt in Your Wounds

Author: Kirstie ( lullabylucky)

Characters/Pairings: Bella. Jasper. Edward. Cullen gang.

Rating: R

Summary: Jasper's eyes bore into mine. Hatred shone brightly but something underneath that was what caught my attention. Need, want, lust.

Spoilers: All the series I guess.

Notes/Disclaimers: Nothing's mine. Even though I have a strong desire to _own _Edward and/or Jasper and Emmett. This is in an AU future where Bella is a vampire. And it's in her POV. Also, it's important to know that Bella's power, as a vampire, is that she absorbs other powers; and then keeps them. It'll be mentioned without explanation in this fic.

_**Prologue.**_

I had been turned into what I am about thirty years ago. Edward bit me the day after my nineteenth birthday. The day after our wedding.

I went kicking and screaming but I went through with it. From that day on, I was looking forward to being with Edward forever. It was the one thing I wanted more than anything.

Our forever lasted twenty-seven years.

Three years ago Edward and Alice were killed. We had been forced into a fight with a nearby clan over the issue of what they intended on hunting. We won the battle but lost two of our own.

Jasper hasn't said a word since that day. Esme is still heartbroken. Carlisle is at the hospital more than necessary and when he's home, he's in his office. Emmett's voice and booming laughter no longer ring through the house. And Rosalie has turned to me for a sister that I can't be. Not now.

I'm sitting on the couch when the door slams against its frame. I look up from my seat in the living room to see Jasper coming through the front door.

Jasper's eyes bore into mine. Hatred shone brightly but something underneath that was what caught my attention.

Need, want, lust.

Before I could decipher it more, he was up the stairs and even in the living room, I heard the click of the lock.

It's been three years to this day since we lost them. Jasper lost Alice and I lost Edward. We lost them in the same fight to the same person. Both Jasper's and my own dead hearts did more than break that day. They shattered.

Jasper blamed me for their deaths and I blamed him.

So when I saw the need in Jasper's eyes, I knew this wasn't going to end well.


	2. Chapter One

_**Chapter One.**_

_**Notes: All mistakes our mine. I'm posting this without a beta and it may go from one tense to another, so sorry. Also, the note at the last chapter still rings true about Bella's power. She absorbs other powers.**_

I stumbled up to my room around three in the morning. I lingered at Jasper's door longer than I should've before I kept walking past it, to my bedroom.

I called the room mine but it was still Edward's. I hadn't moved a thing since he died and still refused to. Esme was constantly persisting that I make the room my own but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Jasper had done the opposite. His room was torn apart after Alice died. He pulled things off the walls and burned her clothes. Anything that made him think of her, he destroyed. I suspected that's why he hated me so much. I was so connected to Alice, she was my best friend, and he had to see me constantly. I reminded him of his loss.

I paused at the shelfs that were lined with cds. My fingers caught dust as they roamed the cds'spines. Finally I found what I was looking for and pulled it out of the lineup.

I placed it in the nearby cd player and let it waft over me as I collapse to the carpet. Debussy always made me think of the better times with Edward.

I thought of biology class. The first time wasn't the best memory, remembering his hateful glare but it still warmed my unbeating heart to think about what it became. It became him and me.

I thought of our wedding. It was highly overdone, thanks to Alice. She had covered the small church with dozens of dozens of yellow roses and put lace on everything. The whole church was white and pale yellow. It was beautiful and I apprieciate that I went through with it even more now that he was gone. I'm glad I had the memory.

The night I was changed was a memory that held lots of pain, but only physical. Inside, I was absolutely estatic. Edward had been by my side the whole time until my heart finally stopped and my life began.

We were together all the time after that. The worries I had that he would no longer like me after the transformation disappeared in a day or two. I didn't feel different and he didn't seem to notice. We went on as we always had.

What would've been my 21st birthday was spent with him in France. We roamed the city and even though he'd been there countless times before, he wondered with me like a tourist.

We moved to Montana about a year after that. The whole family had left Forks since it was getting notice that none of us were showing signs of getting older.

Emmett and Rosalie got married, again. We were happy and we were together and it was going fine for twenty years.

Then Lucas came to town. Him and his clan of four had come into town intending to find more food. We stood our ground and Carlisle tried to reason with them but they wouldn't back down. We had no choice but to fight.

The sound of the song coming to an end is ominious as my memory retells the moment of his death. Edward's eyes had flickered to mine as he died. The pain of that look haunts me most days; and today was no different.

I spend most of my days thinking about and reliving that moment.

I had fallen to my knees right there next to him and I only heard the crack of Alice's bones begin separated from her body. I only heard the yell of pain, physical pain, that Jasper had let out.

My eyes were too busy glued to the sight of my dead lover.

The image was still in my head now. I don't think it'll ever leave it's spot in the back of my mind.

I'm still laying on my spot on the floor when I hear Jasper's voice for the first time since that strangled yell.

It came from my doorway, quiet and pained, "Bella."

My head whips to the sound and I hear the crack of my neck in protest of the movement. He's leaning against the door frame, looking right at me and I know something's wrong.

"Jasper?" I'm up and walking to him before the wave of panic spreads through me. His panic becomes mine as his power suddenly becomes mine too.

He closes his eyes, seemingly in anguish. I put my hand on his shoulder as I reach him but he flinches so I remove it quickly.

"Jasper, what's wrong?"

His eyes don't open but he responds softly, "I killed her."

I'm at a loss. Confused I ask for more details, "Killed who?"

He shrugs with a laugh that is more like an outtake of breath, "I don't know."

I still don't understand, "What? Jasper, I don't understand."

He opens his eyes then, "When I went hunting. I killed her."

I search his eyes for the trace of red that would no doubt be in his eyes.

He's eyes pin mine as he continues, "I was walking through the woods and I smelt her. She smelt just like you used to. I followed her and I killed her."

I can't help but let out a soft gasp.

"I killed her and left her. I didn't even drink from her. I felt bad enough for what I did."

My eyes narrowed, "Did you kill her because of the smell or because you were imagining me as you did it?"

He didn't answer.

"Answer me!"

"Does it matter?" he evaded.

"Of course it matters! If you blame me enough that you want me dead then let's do it. Right now. Kill me."

He shook his head, "You're not worth it."

On instinct, my palm slapped him against the cheek with so much force my hand stung.

His head didn't even move but I could see the hurt of the action itself in his eyes.

"I'm not the reason they're gone!"

He shakes his head but says nothing.

"If you need someone to blame, then blame Lucas. His hands were the ones that killed them."

"If you just had-"

"NO!" I roared. "If's are not apart of what you can hold me accountable for! If I had never been changed, would you still have been in this situation? If you hadn't of forced Edward to leave because of almost killing me on my seventeenth birthday, would we still be here at this exact moment? If you had been next to her in the fight, would you have saved her?"

And then I'm on the ground next to the wall. He had pushed me away from him, sending me back into the wall behind me.

The sound of the wood splintering under me echoed through the house.

I'm up on my feet in no time but this time, there is more than Jasper in my doorway.

Carlisle looks in and casts a glance to Jasper, "Let's go into your room, Jasper."

Jasper ignores him and sends me a look that surely could've sent me into hysterics as a human.

But Jasper doesn't scare me anymore, "No, Carlisle. If he has something to say, then let's hear it."

Jasper doesn't hesitate, "You're the reason they're dead. Or at least why she is. If you had just turned away from him, you could've saved her. She was right behind you! You could've saved her!"

"And you think I wouldn't have if I had known she was there?"

"No."

I head for Jasper but suddenly Emmett is through the door and pushing me back, "It's not worth it."

"Oh, it's so worth it." The look I send Jasper makes him advance towards me as well but Carlisle pushes him out the door and then it's shut.

Emmett forces me back to the couch and I'm sitting against my will.

Emmett shakes his head, "Honestly Bella, he finally talks for the first time in three years and it turns into this? You're still a disaster waiting to happen. Destruction is like your forté."

I ignore him, "Do think it's my fault as well?"

"Of course not."

"But you pity him?"

"I can see where it's coming from, that's different. If I lost Rosalie, then I would be reckless, unconsolable, and I would be itching for a fight. I don't think it's you that he's mad at. I think it's himself but you're the easiest target for blame."

I looked at him curiously, "Since when did you become wise and unsightful?"

The laugh that I missed so much made a reappearence, "It's always been here. I just rather look at the world in a more innocent way. It's a lot more fun."

I sighed and he took a glance at me, "Well, my job is done. You're calm and Esme is downstairs waiting for me. We're moving again."

"I figured it would happen soon. Carlisle is just too good looking for his own good."

Emmett rolled his eyes and stood.

"Tell Esme I'll start packing my stuff awhile and then I'll start on the living room."

He nodded and made his way to the door but before he left he turned back and said, "Keep out of trouble."

I smirked, "I'll try but I have this sneaking suspicion that it follows me."

He smiled at that and was out the door.

I fell back on the couch and put my arms over my eyes.

The door opened again and I couldn't bring myself to care enough to look up to see who it is.

"Bella?"

I look up at Carlisle's voice, I wasn't expecting it to be him. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I guess. I shouldn't have lost it like that, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I just wanted to warn you that Jasper is still livid, so I would avoid him at any cost. We don't want this to escilate any further."

I nod in agreement.

He looks at the room around me once before shutting the door firmly behind him.

I rise then, moving to pull boxes out of my closet and begin to pile everything in. Cds, clothes, pictures, whatever is just shoved in the box with no real order; I don't particularly want to linger on this that aren't rightfully my own. Things that are ours.

I begin pulling things out of the drawers and seperating the contents of papers into a pile of trash. I throw away an old notebook paper but stop at what's under it. There's a picture of Alice and Jasper that looks fairly old. It's weathered edges show it's age and I carefully flip it over.

_Alice and Jasper, 1968_ stares back in Alice's perfect handwriting.

I pull it over to look at the picture once more. Alice's smile is overwhelming she looks so happy and Jasper is clearly trying to smother the smile that is about to break out.

I sigh.

I put in on my bed as I close up the one box that holds all my clothes and random books. I carry the box with one hand and the picture with another.

As I walk past Jasper's room, I slip the picture under the door silently and walk to the living room where there are already boxes stacked. I add to it and when I turn to walk back upstairs, Jasper is blocking my path.

He's holding the picture up to my face and is not but two inches from me. His fury overtakes me and I brace myself for the impact.

"What is this?!"

I give him a nonchalant look, "I just found it in the room, I thought you would want it."

And I'm lifted off my feet and pushed into the wall behind me. It doesn't really effect me since I don't have to breathe anyway but instinct takes over and I attempt to fight back.

"Get off of me!"

He ignores me, "You really are just trying to torture me aren't you? Do you have any respect for me at all? After all I've done to get her out of my head, you go and do this."

I get enough strength to push him off of me and he's surprised so it forces him to stumble over the couch. He's up on his feet again in an a second but it's enough time for Emmett to get a hold of Jasper's arm and pull him back.

The only thing on my mind right now is Jasper's fury turning into mine and I advance but Carlisle suddenly there, mimicing Emmett but on me instead.

Rosalie and Esme aren't slow to follow as they take notice of the look in Jasper's eyes. The look that is being mirrored in mine.

Esme and Carlisle held me back as Emmett and Rosalie held Jasper.

I let out a snarl and thrashed at the hands that were now restraints. Jasper hissed back, crouching even despite Emmett's steel grip on his chest.

I broke free of Esme's grasp and Carlisle couldn't hold me himself so I sprang in the direction of Jasper.

Rosalie, on instinct, jumped out of my way and Jasper broke free of Emmett.

The sound of mine and Jasper's collision shook the house.


	3. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two.**_

_**Notes: jumps on all reviewers I LOVE YOU ALL! And I also want to thank all silent readers. Even though you don't review, I love you guys too. I hope you're enjoying also! Sorry it took so long. Junior year is just starting and it's killing me dead. I hope to have at least one chapter each week, if not more. School is just taking all my time. And this chapter is slightly shorter than the first. Sorry. And this story is only going to be like 6 chapters, just a warning, that's why things may seem like they're moving fast. And all mistakes are my own, it typed this up at like 2 in the morning and my computer does not have spell check. But enough rambling…**_

It didn't last long. We collided with a force I didn't know we could produce and we ricocheted off of one another. Carlisle caught my arm and swung me around to the stairs, pushing me up them before I realized what was happening.

Jasper stood behind us, snarling, but holding his ground. He knew better than to try to attack me through Carlisle. A fight with Carlisle is the last thing he needed.

Before he can push me there, I go down the hall and to my room, slamming the door with more force than necessary. I feel four years old for doing it but it gets some of my anger out.

It's gonna be a long day.

The next six hours, I spent in my room cleaning up stuff preparing for the move and adding things to my cluttered little boxes. No one bugged me all day, leaving me to stir in my own anger for being so reckless in starting this with Jasper. It would never be resolved, I knew it, but I still wanted to work it out somehow. Even if that meant one of us tearing the other to pieces.

Before I knew it, the sun is shining in the window. Which meant it was around 5, as I thought about the suns position in the sky relating to where my window was.

As if by clockwork, Rosalie bounded in my door. She had a skip to her step that I envied.

"Are you ready to leave this horrid place? I mean, honestly, there is no civilization at all here. We're the only ones for miles."

I shrugged, "I guess. But I'm not looking forward to moving again. Starting all over. It gets tiring."

She nodded but she still had an excited look to her, "I guess, but it might be nice to get back into some routine. Having to go to school. It gets your mind off things."

I stayed silent. That particular comment was no doubt just intended for me.

"Do we know where we're going?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Back to Forks, actually."

My stomach dropped. "W-why? I mean, isn't it too early? What if someone recognizes us? It's only been thirty so years! I mean, people will notice!"

"Calm down, Bella. Honestly. It's a risk we've taken before and hardly any human pays that much attention."

I blanched. Charlie had passed away years ago but what if Angela, Mike, Jessica, or even Lauren had stayed in Forks? Forks was the kind of little town that you were born and raised in. People stayed there for the rest of their lives. It would be a little conspicuous if I showed up again, looking 19 when the rest of them would be in their 40s and 50s.

My unneeded breathing disrupted.

Rosalie just rolled her eyes, "We'll be fine Bella. I just came up to tell you that Esme wants to leave tonight. She is really excited to get to the old house."

Rosalie left without another word and another thought made me anxious. Forks held too many memories. Too many memories if me and him. Too many of Edward. To many of Alice. And living in that house was not going to help.

I needed to get out. I was out the door and in my car before I fully registered where I was planning to go. I started my sensible car, being a vampire did not change my mind on speed, and headed to the main part of town. The sun was just reaching the horizon so I would have to wait a little until I could actually walk outside without notice. I roamed past the scattered stores littering the freeway and headed straight down the long strip of road. I really had no where to go, Rosalie was right about this being a fairly boring town, but it was nice to just drive.

To get my mind of things.

I cringed at Rosalie's earlier words. As if getting back to Forks and back to school would make everything better. As if it meant we were all going to be happy and one big family now.

As if losing Edward was something that I could just get over.

I kept driving and before I knew it, the dashboard read 8:23. I turned around and headed back to the house, steering gracefully into the tree covered driveway. When I finally got to where I could see the house, I saw Jasper waiting impatiently on the steps.

Great.

I hopped out of my car and carefully walked up to him. "You waiting for me?"

"Not willingly."

I let out a deep sigh at the comment and walked past him, deciding to ignore him.

"It's empty."

I stopped on the top step, "The whole house?"

"Esme was getting impatient. Carlisle wanted me to stay behind to wait for you. Said we ride together and that we should clear this up because he was tired of it effecting to entire family."

"What about my stuff?"

"Already loaded."

"And my car?"

"Rosalie said she'd buy you another one."

I turned to face him, "And what about the fact that I don't want to deal with you?"

"I'm unavoidable."

"Hardly." I brushed past him and went straight to the passenger side and got in, slamming the door.

He was in the drivers seat in a second and he started the car.

He didn't move, though. Instead he looked to me, "Sorry. For what happened earlier. The picture brought back things that I tried hard to repress."

"Whatever."

"Bella, stop acting like a spoiled child, we have to learn to deal with each other, no matter how much you hate me."

I looked at him in shock, "Me hating you? How about you hating me?"

He pursed his lips, "You bring back things that I don't want to think about."

"So you paint a target on me and just keeping firing?"

"Bella-"

I cut him off, "How do you think that feels Jasper, honestly?"

He turned his head back to the windshield, "I can feel exactly how that feels to you."

"And you keep going at it?"

"Yes."

I let out a shuttering sigh and turned my head to look out my window.

He started down the driveway and I watched the scenery outside my window pass by the whole way to Forks.

When we got there, Esme was outside working on the porch and her face fell as she saw both our faces as we got out. Apparently Carlisle wasn't the only one hoping forcing us to be in the same car would have healed all wounds.

Jasper opened the trunk and began pulling stuff out and I simply walked to Esme and sat beside her. She was painting the porch a new shade of white and picked up her spare paintbrush and began to help.

When Jasper went inside, Esme finally spoke up, "I'm guessing it didn't work."

"Sorry."

"I expected it wouldn't. But I was hoping it would."

We kept painting in silence for a while but Esme appraised me with watchful eyes before saying, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You have his room."

I sighed. I knew she meant that Edward's old room was now my new one.

She continued, "Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie have switched rooms. And Carlisle and I have the same one. If it's something you're opposed to, I'm sure Carlisle wouldn't mind having his study and your room switched."

I shook my head, "It's fine. It's not like everything in this house isn't going to remind me of him anyway."

Esme gave me a sad smile but dropped subject.

I excused myself to go into the house to get settled and went up to my room. It's walls were bare and the room was empty but it still held him into it.

I noticed that Jasper had brought my boxes into my room and lined them up against the wall.

I sat down and began unpacking and managed to get it all out of the boxes before the burning at the back of my throat becomes unbearable.

I head down the steps to the door and am intercepted by Jasper.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"If you must know, hunting."

"Me too."

I muttered sarcastically, "Yay, another field trip together."

He ignored me completely and walked out the door. I followed but slower, always a couple steps behind him. We kept getting closer to the actual city, not but two miles from town.

This was mine and Jasper's first hunt in over two weeks so when I saw Jasper's back stiffen, I knew it was due to the smell of humans nearby.

He took a step in that direction and I was in front of him before he had time to make another.

He realized I was blocking his way and his lips curled over his teeth, "Think you could stop me?"

I stood my ground, "Let's find out."

He onced me over before he did the one most surprising move I never would have expected.

He kissed me.

For a second his lips just barely rested on mine before I pushed him away from me with as much force as I had.

"What the hell was that?!"

He wouldn't look at me.

I pushed against his chest once more, the anger pulsing through me, and he stumbled back, refusing to fight back.

"Answer me, damn it! What the hell was that Jasper?!" I push him again. "Why would you do that? Huh? Why?" Push. "I can't believe you would do that! What is wrong with you?"

He takes my face in his hands and brings me to his lips again. I froze as his hands brought my lips to his lips roughly but without warning, I'm kissing him back.


	4. Chapter Three

_**Chapter Three.**_

_**Notes: I'm very sorry for the lateness. School/life has taken over. I'll be sure to make the next chapter prompt. Seriously, I'm very very sorry. The next chapter is almost done so it **_**WILL**_** be up this week.**_

_**Thanks for all the lovely reviews, guys. It really means a lot to me considering this is my first Twilight WIP. I'm working on another fic now as well but it won't be posted until this one is done. I want to have one fic out at a time to avoid conflict of interest, lol. But I'm working on a Bella/Emmett one. And then I am planning another chapter to my story called Ready. It was intended as a one shot but I have other ideas. Anywho…**_

_**IMPORTANT: Lucas was mentioned is passing earlier in the fic, but as a reminder, he is the one who killed both Edward and Alice in the fight. Also, Jasper and Bella is getting dysfunctional, so beware. :)**_

I'm kissing him back and I don't know why. But his lips are urgant and we're backing up and into a tree. I don't know why I'm kissing Jasper but I'm certain I don't want it to stop.

He's pressed up against me and I'm still pulling him closer. He can't be close enough.

But when his hands roam down my arms and to my waist, closing the space between our hips, I freeze.

He notices.

We're out of each others arms as if burned and I'm out of the forest as soon as possible.

I ran the whole way to the house, up the stairs, in my room, and collapsed in the bathroom.

I shed my clothing fast and set the shower to the highest setting. I step in and I let out a breath; what the hell just happened?

I scrub my body, washing away the dirt and my guilt, them both making me feel unclean. I have to wash it off. I have to get it off of me. The smell of Jasper, the weight of what I just did, the reality that Edward's gone.

I scrub harder and if my skin wasn't so unpenetratable, I'm sure I'd be bleeding.

I wash it all away.

I stand in the spray of the shower and I pretend the water droplets running down my face are tears. I cry for what I've done. I cry for me. I cry for him. I cry for her. I cry for us. I cry.

I collapse on the floor of the shower and huddle to myself in the corner. This is wrong. I'm wrong. I shouldn't be feeling anything for him. I love Edward and he loves Alice and nothing is going to change that. Especially not me.

I stay on the floor of the shower for what seems like hours and I only contimplate getting out when I hear Jasper's voice outside the door.

My brain screams 'Leave!' but my mouth responds with a strangled, "Come in."

He does so and I can only tell by the shadow his body makes outside of the shower door. He lowers his long, lean body to the floor in front of it and I stop the shower.

I grab the robe hanging over the side of the shower and lower myself to the floor again, mimicing Jasper's position on the other side of the opaque door.

We are mirrors, mimicking each other, and I feel connected.

"I'm sorry." I'm the first to talk after an ackward silence and he jumps at the sound of my voice.

He composes, "There is nothing to be sorry about. It was my fault. My lapse of judgement. My mistake."

I'm not sure if he's trying to convince me or himself.

"Yeah," I whisper.

More silence. I can't take it. I open the shower door and tighten the robe around my body. He jumps up and moves back. I go to the mirror and pick up my brush. No words are spoken and he seems to be keeping an at least five feet radius from me.

I run the brush through my hair and it catches a knot. I falter and the mask slips. He senses the pain coming off of me and in return, I sense the concern.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Why would you do that? Explain it to me. I need to know. You haven't said one word in three years and in the span of a couple days, you've said more to me then I can even comprehend. We never really got along. Jasper, for most of my human life, you couldn't even be near me. And then when I wasn't human anymore, I had Edward and you had Alice. We were never friends. We were never truly family. I don't even know your full name, Jasper. And then you do something like this? Just explain to me how you can hate me and then do that? Is it because you hate me? You just wanted me to feel guilty?"

"You don't think I feel guilty too?" He intrupts. "You don't think I feel like I'm betraying them both? It burns me inside but I can't control this. I can't control this feeling inside of me. And what it's doing to me, is killing me and killing you. I want it to stop. I want it gone. But it's grating me to the bone."

"What feeling? Explain it to me, Jasper." I try to sense any other feeling inside of him but it's clouded by his confusion.

"Nothing."

"Damn it, Jasper!" I'm in front of him now and the five feet is voilated. He moves to enforce it but I follow and he's trapped between me and the wall behind him. "Explain it to me. I need to know. I have to know. It's killing me to have this emotion inside of me as well and you won't tell me anything to help."

"What emotion?" he counters.

Touche. "Nothing."

Jasper scoffs, "You refuse to let your guard down as well, yet you expect me to."

I turn from him but his cold hands are on my arm, spinning me back. "Explain it to me, Bella."

"No."

He runs his hands down my arms, "Please."

"No."

His hands run though the wet silk of my hair, "Please."

"No."

His lips move up my neck, stopping at the junction there. "Please tell me."

I gulp.

His lips travel up my neck and to my face, before capturing my lips. He breaths his request against my lips, "Spill your secrets."

I close my eyes, they seem weighted. He is trying to break down my barriers and he's almost succeeding. But two can play.

I shorten the length that is seperating us. I pull his head down into a real kiss and he's surprised but not unwilling.

He's distracted and I connect us at the waist, me pressing against him and he gasps.

I'm suddenly on the floor as he's fighting back in this battle. He's on top of me and I'm trapped again, at his mercy.

"Tell me," he tries once more.

"No."

A roll of the hips and my eyes roll back in my head at the pressure.

"Tell me," he whispers in my ear.

"No."

Once more and my body shudders.

"Tell me."

"I think I love you."

He stops. As does everything around us. Time feels halted and I realize that I have said something I cannot take back.

He leans back to look me in the eye and I avert. He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Bella-"

"Get off of me."

"Bel-"

"I said get off of me!"

The anger in my voice does the trigger and he's off of me in a second.

I'm up and I wrap my arms around my waist, keeping the robe secure. He watches as I walk out the door.

I'm in my room and I change quickly. Suddenly, this house seems like a prison and I have to get out.

I'm out the door within minutes and I head to the only place I can think of, the meadow. I have to be reminded of someone else other than Jasper.

But when I reach the meadow, the scent hits me. It's impossible.

I search the meadow quickly, trying to find the source.

I smell it before I see it. I smell Edward but he's dead so it's impossible.

Then I see the pile of ash. A single item, glistening in the sun shining through the leaves, sits in front of the pile.

My charm.

I can't take it.

I turn to flee but I run straight into Jasper's hard chest.

I cry dry tears and as the sobs over take me, Jasper pulls me hard to his chest.

I bury my face into his shoulder and his response is to rub his hand soothingly into my back.

Jasper's voice turns to Edward's as he murmurs, "Shh, everything's going to be okay. I promise."

"Lucas is back. He's the only one who could've done this." My voice sounds broken, it feels broken.

Jasper nods, "It smells like his scent as well. Mostly on the trail."

"What do you think he wants?"

His arms tighten around me, "Us."


	5. Chapter Four

**Title:** Salt in Your Wounds (Chapter Four)

**Author:** Kirstie (lullabylucky)

**Characters/Pairings:** Bella/Jasper. Edward. Alice. Cullen gang.

**Rating:** R

**Summary:** Jasper's eyes bore into mine. Hatred shone brightly but something underneath that was what caught my attention. Need, want, lust.

**Spoilers:** All the series I guess.

**Notes/Disclaimers:** Nothing's mine. Even though I have a strong desire to own Edward and/or Jasper and Emmett. This is in an AU future where Bella is a vampire. And it's in her POV. Also, it's important to know that Bella's power, as a vampire, is that she absorbs other powers; and then keeps them. It'll be mentioned without explanation in this fic.

**Other:** Jasper and Bella will be dysfunction, so beware. And this fic will move fast, I don't beat around the bush. And this story is only going to be like 6 chapters, just a warning, that's why things may seem like they're moving fast.

**Thanks:** To ancha289 for being my beta. She deserves everything for her troubles and dealing with my bullshit. :D

_**chapter four;**_

Notes: I SUCK REALLY HARD AND I KNOW AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME. THE NEXT CHAPTER IS ALREADY FINISHED AND IS GOING TO BE AT THE BETA ASAP. I SWEAR. BUT NOW YOU GUYS KNOW WHY I DON'T WRITE WIPS OFTEN. CAUSE I SUCK. ALOT. Also, any mistakes in this are mine, not my beta's. I probably crap up some stuff when I look over her suggestions. This is not my favorite chapter (it is actually sort of a filler) but enjoy nonetheless.

IMPORTANT: Lucas was mentioned is passing earlier in the fic, but as a reminder, he is the one who killed both Edward and Alice in the fight. Also, Jasper and Bella is getting dysfunctional, so beware.

We walk back to the house and despite all that is going on around me, the only thing I can focus on is the fact that Jasper hasn't let go of my hand. He's holding me together because he knows I can't do it myself.

We walk straight up to Carlisle's office. Carlisle is looking over some papers when we enter but his eyes travel down to our entwined hands immediately. He places the papers down and he appraises us. "Something wrong?"

Jasper nods once, "Lucas is back."

"Has he made contact?"

"He left ashes," Jasper spares a glance at me before finishing the sentence, "of Edward."

I gulp down the lump in my throat.

Carlisle's face hardens. "I assume he's come to finish the job he said he would?"

"I'm assuming that as well." Jasper agrees.

Three years ago, during the battle but after Lucas had torn both Edward and Alice apart, I had lost it. I was someone that had nothing left to lose and I went after who ever stood in my way to get to Ava, Lucas's mate. An eye for an eye. Lucas took Edward and I took Ava.

Lucas swore revenge. He had used something as cliché as "I'll be back" as he ran away with his tail between his legs. The remaining four of his coven were dead and he was the only one left.

And now he's back for me. I gulp. I lost all sense of meaning that night, the whole night blurred in how I even did such a thing. I didn't understand how I killed a vampire and then getting my hands on Ava, I tore her apart. I never knew I had it in me, but it was triggered that night. There was no way I'd be able to do anything now.

"What's going to happen?" I ask quietly.

"We're going to stop him." Emmett answers firmly from behind us. He must have followed us up and brought Rosalie and Esme up with him, as they are standing with him.

Rosalie spares one glance at Jasper and my own entwined hands just as Carlisle had, but her eyes didn't widen slightly in surprise as his had. Hers seem to understand.

Emmett pushes his way through the door frame, forcing me and Jasper further into the room. We take our respective seats and as we all move to take our respective seats, Jasper pulls me to sit beside him.

His hand never leaves mine. I almost smile.

Emmett continues, "We have to stop him, obviously. He'll come to fight, maybe with more people but it'll still be no challenge."

"No challenge?" I repeat. "Do you remember what happened last time we took him as a minor threat?"

Emmett eyes meet mine, "We can't just let him do this. He wants to kill you: you understand this, right?"

"I don't care. It's my fight. I refuse to lose more family this time around."

Esme smiles patiently, "And you know we will refuse to let you go alone. We refuse to lose more family as well, Bella. We refuse to lose you."

I could never get used to the fact that I was family and Esme has always realized that I have never gotten used to the fact that I am part of their family.

"So we fight." Emmett concludes.

"It's a lot more complicated than that, I'm afraid," replies Carlisle, eyebrow furrowing. "You're right, he probably has people with him. And we have no way of knowing how many. I don't like the fact that we'll be blind to what's happening."

All eyes travel to me.

"No." I whisper.

Rosalie tries to reason with me. "You still have Alice's power absorbed, Bella. It just makes sense."

"It's not mine! It's hers!" I jump up and falter, knowing I can't leave the room. Now is not the time. My initial reaction is always to run. Rosalie mimics my action, easing her way to me as one would to a startled animal. I look to Esme - Carlisle - Jasper and his whole stature is tight. He's avoiding my eyes and I can't blame him.

Rosalie continues, "Make it yours, Bella. She's gone and she would want you to use it."

"You're wrong." I whisper, but I gave in anyway. "If I'm doing it, you all need to leave."

"I'm staying." Jasper says sincerely, looking me straight in the eyes.

Carlisle nods, "Me as well."

I sigh, "That's it then. I won't be able to do it otherwise."

The rest of the family leaves without another word, door firmly closed behind them.

It is silent for a moment before I let myself open up. I let out the power that I've tried so hard to repress. It doesn't take long before I saw it.

They are somewhere in the woods, nothing around them specific enough to understand exactly where. I see Lucas but I also see three others. They are gathered around, seemingly in a pack. All four move to look to their left towards the trees.

It's almost time.

Lucas' voice startles me out of the vision and it brings me to the ground. I was never good with the way the images assaulted my mind. It feels like an intrusion, one that I almost can't stop. It is the same with mind reading, which is why I never want to use their powers.

Plus, these powers were theirs--never mine.

Carlise helps me up, gripping my elbow.

I stand shakily, "They're in the woods outside the house. Close, but not too close. There are four now but I heard him thinking about three others that they are expecting."

Carlisle nods and I leave the room. I hear Jasper following silently behind but I'm not in the mood to deal with him, yet I don't want to be alone either.

I stop in the hallway and Jasper's feet skid lightly to a stop.

"Will you ever be able to not hate me? Or will it always be there?"

Silence is my answer.

I walk forward.

He doesn't follow.

I wander the house before I find Esme sitting in the kitchen. She and I ended up cleaning the whole room. The part of me that cleaned when nervous or angry has not gone away and it is a trait that Esme shares with me.

"So, what is happening between you and Jasper?"

I stop scrubbing the floor and lean back to sit and just look at her, "How long have you been holding that in?"

She smiles kindly. "Since we left Montana."

I smile back but my eyes are still incredulous.

"Honestly, Bella. I need to know what's going on between my kids."

I let out a laugh before I answer. "I don't even know."

"Shouldn't you?"

"Probably."

"Then why don't you talk to him?"

I sigh and stand slowly. "Stop being all sage-like."

She just smiles in return.

"I just--I don't know. I care for him, obviously, but there is too much there. I think there is a part of him that truly hates me and I can't deal with that. And he's Alice's, you know? I think I may be betraying her and Edward even by feeling the way I do."

"You can't betray the dead. It doesn't work that way. Yes, Edward and Alice are gone, but you are here and you have to live with what you have. You don't give Jasper enough credit; I think he got over his grudge against you a long time ago. The reason that he is so against this is the same reason as you. It feels like betrayal, but it's not. They would both want you to be happy. Just talk to him."

"Agreed." Rosalie's voice startles me and I look quickly to find her standing in the doorway.

"This is going to sound very insensitive when I say it, but you both just need to get over it. It's hard, I know that. But it's livable. Just as Esme said, you're here now and they're not. Live with what you have because it's all you have left now. You have us, Bella. And we just want you to be happy."

"Now we're getting a little too touchy-feely, don't you think?" I ask sarcastically.

Rosalie pushed me out the doorway she just entered, fake irratted and probably, just wanting to get rid of me. But before I turn she whispers to me, "We all miss them, we just want you to be happy."

I start to walk away, faltering in the living room; but Emmett looks up from the TV he is watching intently to give me a look that makes me keep walking. "You got issues, go work some out."

I make it up to the Jasper's door before I stop to ponder: Do I really want to do this? Isn't this the type of thing that makes things worse? Especially with someone like Jasper?

I sigh, deciding to make my way in, anyway.

He looks up and I give a timid smile. I get one back in return.

I can't help myself: I ask him again, "Will you ever be able to not hate me? Or will it always be there? I just need to know because I'm starting to feel something and I don't want it to be for nothing."

"You're feeling something?"

One question that makes my stomach turn. Cause yes, yes I am but I don't want to be rejected when he doesn't say he feels it too.

"Everything's changing. You have to feel it."

He shrugs, "Not really."

My power reflects his and I feel his internal confliction. I know the feeling.

"Look. I know you think this is wrong. I think so too. I think that this is something we shouldn't be doing because of the memory of the two of them. But in the same sense, why not? Why can't we have something? Because the only fact I know is that they're gone. I can't change that and neither can you. It's normal to want to move past them and get something different." I sigh heavily. Things are spilling out now and I don't know how to control them. "Get someone different. We can't go on living miserably without them. I'm the last person I thought would ever say that. But I'm tired, Jasper. I'm tired of feeling this way without him. I'm looking around and in the last couple months, all I've seen is you. Not just these couple days, but months. I think I love you. I may be insane in saying it but I think I do. I think I am and have been for quite some time."

He just looks at me.

And I run.


	6. update

After so long, is this something that anyone is even interested in me continuing? Let me know if so, cause I've been pondering...


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